[ He sort of prefers the floor, at this point, but he does sit on the bed with her, if just so he can curl against her and hug his knees with his head against her shoulder. Touchiness that he refrained from allowing himself to accept from Clarke or Venti. Skinship that he craved and longed for from them now more than ever.
Sorry, Pluma, but this just isn't scratching that itch. It does help, though, no matter how marginally. ]
He was trying to help me. He... [ didn't do a good job about it, though. ] He just wanted to make me feel better. And I snapped at him. I...
...
I said some things that I can't take back, and I'm... he... Rafaela, I sincerely think he hates me. [ A beat. ] ...I hate me.
[ Okay, this isn't a lot to go on, so offering actual advice to talk to Venti or dump his ass or kill him is off the table for right now, but he can at least try to ease the little Aegir's mind. Just a bit. She carefully lifts a hand to rest against his back, and rubs gently. "Make me feel better" implies that Mizuki was upset to start with. And judging by the state he's in now, it was serious. ]
... Mizuki, saying things when you are emotional does not warrant hatred for yourself. All of us will say things we don't mean in the heat of the moment. It's a rational response if you feel hurt to say things that may hurt others in turn. It is not a good response, but that doesn't mean anyone can fault you for having the reaction you did...
[ She is curious to know what he said. She wants him to tell her, though, instead of prying that sensitive information out of him. ]
Things are still fresh now, aren't they? I'm sure he doesn't hate you. Even if he may have implied otherwise. [ 'And if he does, that's his loss, because you're a fantastic friend.' Something she might say, if she were just a little closer to Mizuki. ] One little fight is not enough to sever a relationship, Mizuki. If it were, then that relationship was not stable to begin with.
[ He pulls his knees closer, clawing at the fabric of his tights as he really lets what La Pluma says sink in. It makes sense. He understands. But that desperate, hormonal, angsty 19-year-old brain is still looking for reasons to make himself feel bad and wallow in self-pity.
...But he nods anyway. ]
He... he'll... talk to me again. A-and I'll apologize then...? Or... should I approach... him? Or... I don't... I don't know. I don't know what to do.
I don't know, Mizuki. How much space a person needs is... [ Sigh! ] too much effort to figure out. I don't wanna. But I know he likes you. And he means something to you, just as you do to him. So... trying to reach out is not a bad thing.
If you want my recommendation, write him a letter. Don't text him. Too impersonal. Don't physically see him. It can be too soon. But if you write him a sealed letter, that gives him plenty of time to decide when he wants to read it, and it'll still feel special.
[ ... ]
And, if you're still mad at him, you should shove a bunch of glitter in it, too.
[ ... With all the times they've mentioned that they're important to one another, that much is true, but- ]
I don't think the way he means to me is the way I mean to him, though... [ Ugh. Feelings are gross. Especially yucky teenage ones! He doesn't want to bombard Pluma with his dumb, mushy feelings, but she's the one who agreed to listen, so... ] He makes me feel so safe and so secure. I feel like I can make hard choices if he's there by my side to encourage me. I want to protect him, and make him laugh, and teach him things, and listen to him sing, and talk about his passions, and listen to songs together, and... and I want him to smile. I want to make him smile. His smile is the brightest thing I've seen.
[ Despite all these cutesy confessions, Mizuki bristles more and more with each one. ]
And up until now, I had convinced myself that I could test the waters with him because he was so kind and understanding that I work differently from other people, that I... pushed it too far. I was bending something I didn't know could break.
[ Mizuki is a weird one. She's seen the way he clings to the Doctor, the way he can't stand not touching the people he's with, the way he depends on people to make decisions for him, the way he follows orders usually without fail... And she's always viewed this as a problem. Even the way he started working at Rhodes Island was worrying.
To hear him pour his heart into every syllable with such sweet, loving words, and to sound so absolutely sad despite being so smitten absolutely breaks La Pluma's heart. She knows he can be clingy, but she knows that he can get better, too. She believes in him. Ganbatte, Mizuki... ]
... Hm. [ Oh to be young and going through a first love. ]
I know you love very deeply. That is admirable. But you cannot let that fear you have consume you.
[ ... Where was she a couple of hours ago to tell him this? Maybe then, none of this would be happening. Or maybe it still would? To become prey to others is something Mizuki falls victim to far too much for his own good. Victim to his own fears shouldn't be any different. ]
If... If I... [ But he can do this. If he's going to make a choice... if he's allowed to make a decision, then... he wants to choose to be with Venti. ] If I write a letter, will... will you make sure it looks okay...?
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Sorry, Pluma, but this just isn't scratching that itch. It does help, though, no matter how marginally. ]
He was trying to help me. He... [ didn't do a good job about it, though. ] He just wanted to make me feel better. And I snapped at him. I...
...
I said some things that I can't take back, and I'm... he... Rafaela, I sincerely think he hates me. [ A beat. ] ...I hate me.
no subject
... Mizuki, saying things when you are emotional does not warrant hatred for yourself. All of us will say things we don't mean in the heat of the moment. It's a rational response if you feel hurt to say things that may hurt others in turn. It is not a good response, but that doesn't mean anyone can fault you for having the reaction you did...
[ She is curious to know what he said. She wants him to tell her, though, instead of prying that sensitive information out of him. ]
Things are still fresh now, aren't they? I'm sure he doesn't hate you. Even if he may have implied otherwise. [ 'And if he does, that's his loss, because you're a fantastic friend.' Something she might say, if she were just a little closer to Mizuki. ] One little fight is not enough to sever a relationship, Mizuki. If it were, then that relationship was not stable to begin with.
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...But he nods anyway. ]
He... he'll... talk to me again. A-and I'll apologize then...? Or... should I approach... him? Or... I don't... I don't know. I don't know what to do.
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If you want my recommendation, write him a letter. Don't text him. Too impersonal. Don't physically see him. It can be too soon. But if you write him a sealed letter, that gives him plenty of time to decide when he wants to read it, and it'll still feel special.
[ ... ]
And, if you're still mad at him, you should shove a bunch of glitter in it, too.
no subject
I don't think the way he means to me is the way I mean to him, though... [ Ugh. Feelings are gross. Especially yucky teenage ones! He doesn't want to bombard Pluma with his dumb, mushy feelings, but she's the one who agreed to listen, so... ] He makes me feel so safe and so secure. I feel like I can make hard choices if he's there by my side to encourage me. I want to protect him, and make him laugh, and teach him things, and listen to him sing, and talk about his passions, and listen to songs together, and... and I want him to smile. I want to make him smile. His smile is the brightest thing I've seen.
[ Despite all these cutesy confessions, Mizuki bristles more and more with each one. ]
And up until now, I had convinced myself that I could test the waters with him because he was so kind and understanding that I work differently from other people, that I... pushed it too far. I was bending something I didn't know could break.
[ ... ]
I'm scared he might just trash a letter.
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To hear him pour his heart into every syllable with such sweet, loving words, and to sound so absolutely sad despite being so smitten absolutely breaks La Pluma's heart. She knows he can be clingy, but she knows that he can get better, too. She believes in him. Ganbatte, Mizuki... ]
... Hm. [ Oh to be young and going through a first love. ]
I know you love very deeply. That is admirable. But you cannot let that fear you have consume you.
no subject
If... If I... [ But he can do this. If he's going to make a choice... if he's allowed to make a decision, then... he wants to choose to be with Venti. ] If I write a letter, will... will you make sure it looks okay...?
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[ She even initiates a hug! Chin up, little jellyfish. ]