That aside, this may sound odd, but... well, I trust you enough. [Something something he broke, holy shit.] I'll get straight to the point: What does being "in love" feel like? Is this not when you wish to aggressively keep someone at your side forever?
So when I said "I don't want to become some sort of love guru" at the party, you took that personally, I see. Just kidding. I'm not about to make fun of you for a question like that, but I totally am, you're a dork.
I would say wanting to "aggressively" keep someone at your side forever is more akin to the relationship of a commander and their soldier. Still a sort of love, really. Love is... fickle. Varies from person to person, there's no good way of describing it. Plus there's all sorts. Romantic love, familial love, platonic love. It's kind of all over the place. If I had to describe it succinctly, though, I'd say it's a feeling that encourages you to act on behalf of a person. Like: Doing things that might be time consuming or out of the way just because you want them to be happy. It's hopeful and perseveres through tough times because you care about someone. It's protective in the literal sense, and disarming in the sense of wanting to always be honest and just let someone in. That's what it means to me, anyway.
Well, I couldn't ask Mizuki, so, as one of the only people on the ship who I can trust and who won't immediately shout at me for talking to you... you can see where you were my top pick.
That is rather helpful. I know very few actual examples of love.
[He thought the aggression was common because that's how Rosso is? Maybe that's... just Rosso. (Maybe that's also just him. He's leaving out all the fucked-up twisted thoughts. Also he's leaving out the part that was "I wanted to manipulate and experiment on him but now I don't want to do that". For reasons.)]
I've been perusing some books in the library for research, you could say. That's all.
...
I might be dying, actually. [psychopath's first love interest lol]
[ SNORTLAUGH... OH NO... I mean she obviously knows it's Mizuki based on "couldn't ask Mizuki" alone. But also among other things. Poor dear, falling in love with someone who's already taken... La Pluma knows that pain. ]
Yeah, honestly, that's probably love then. Love and death are pretty similar tbh. Again, kidding. But it does make your insides all fucking wonky and your brain no longer brain, so it's basically death. Uh. Anyway. My condolences. Also congratulations. Simultaneously. I diagnose you with "fucked".
Wanna just talk @ me about it? I can't guarantee I can give you good advice, but sometimes using someone as a verbal springboard helps. I can send the occasional emoji. ✌️
Essentially, he asked me if I was teasing him with my affections, and I said I was not. We spoke at-length on the topic. He told me he loved me, and I returned the sentiment, though at the time I did not know if it was heat of the moment that made me speak or not. I had to think about it after the fact, knowing that some sort of emotion was there, but not being able to pin it properly due to the fact I have... well, no experience at all with anything of this nature. Thus did I come to you to for verification, I suppose.
It seems I was right to say what I did, but even so, being new to the feeling made me wonder if that was what it was.
[Well, the reality of it is that until this moment he was pretty sure that love was when you wanted to aggressively keep someone at your side and be possessive over them and let them bite your jugular until you bleed and rule the world together. All normal things. He didn't realise it was this... fluttery. And gross. And sticky. Which is more of the answer for "why he's asking La Pluma this" than "needed a second opinion". It's kind of a second opinion? Whatever.]
The conversation then boiled down to how we "could not" be together quite yet, and then he asked if we might still be physically intimate [why do you word things like this] with each other despite this.
I suppose the question offended me, so I politely said no and left. And here we are, three days later. I haven't spoken to him since.
[Everything was so much easier when he felt nothing for people other than "oh hey, you're useful". Fuck this.]
[ Ebalon out here further cementing his dork status. ]
Hold on I said I'd send emojis so let me get those out of the way. 👏👏👏🤷♀️🤦♀️🥲🥲🥲 Okay. Anyway. First, to get this out of the way, that's adorable. I'm sorry that happened, but that's also adorable. Second, have you truly never been in love before? I know you're young, but surely there's been someone in your life you felt such a connection to, right? Parents? Siblings? Other familial kinds of people?
[ Admittedly, La Pluma is partially biased here, just because family means so much to her. Even more than romantic love, really. ]
Third, physically intimiate? Please don't say things like that. Knowing Mizuki, I know you probably mean cuddles, but everyone is going to assume you two banged if you go around using terminology like that. Aaaaand last, are you sure it offended you, or did the thought of knowing full well the both of you had feelings for each other and yet still being gated just... Hurt?
I do have a little brother at home, but familial caring feels different. I could not possibly explain it accurately, I think. I was always rather protective of Noah because our parents were... at best, neglectful. More to him than me.
[Unfortunately the only lie in there is that Noah is "his" brother. And also that he has a home. He does not have a home, and Noah wants to kill him. The "fondness" is more like "I look forward to us fighting about this when you grow up" which is definitely... not familial love. But, while he lived within the Ebalon household, he did his part as "Harque" to guard over Noah since his parents were That Way, and obviously he got touchy whenever someone tried to fuck with the kid since that was his little science experiment too.]
I suppose I had a somewhat-familial relationship with the Water Master, as the other Masters did, but that is more because Denif was an excellent caretaker and probably at least a thousand or so years older than me, being a dragon. It was nothing akin to a true feeling of family to be certain.
[Especially because he betrayed them.]
As for your last point, that... would be a more accurate term, I suppose, yes. I did not take it well and I recall walking out of the room feeling rather numb, as it were.
[ La Pluma refuses to be not crass about this, bye. ]
Woof. Sorry to hear about that. I hope your brother's okay. I'd raise hell if I learned anything happened to mine.
[ ... She misses her brother, dearly. ]
Yeah, love'll do that sometimes. Unfortunately, Mizuki is also very new to love, so I imagine he might be floundering a little himself. Poor thing is gonna implode on himself someday because he cares too much about people. But... it sounds like he's trying to get something worked out? That's good.
I mean, the "worked out" is probably that he's going to stay with Venti, and I hate that. A lot. But it's not like we can lock him in a box somewhere and leave him.
He left the nest at 15 [he was sealed in stasis at 15] and struck out on his own while I was away doing Master duties. I believe he's found comfort with a large group of travelers as of late.
[An entire squad of people who want to beat the shit out of him! Truly exemplary.]
I imagine in due time that we'll speak again as friends. It's just... difficult, if that makes sense.
[Look at him, over a thousand years old and seeking comfort from a bird girl. He's lost it. Officially!]
I think this is jealousy?
[He solved two (2) emotions today so no one should expect anything else of him.]
Oh, I'm sure you will. Giving yourself some space is a good idea, anyway. It lets you sort things out. Mizuki will understand. I'm sure he doesn't want to leave you alone or anything himself, either.
...Probably. I'm just pissed, personally. Sucks to be jealous of that little shit, but he's also getting something he really doesn't deserve. I'm frustrated that Mizuki is giving him so many chances.
No, no, I feel the same way. I attempted to ask Mizuki if he trusted Venti, without giving hint to our discussion about the mistreatment on Venti's part. He said yes.
:)
I told Mizuki I would make an active attempt to be nice. I intend on following through, but only for Mizuki's sake. I do not care one whit what Venti thinks of me, so long as he doesn't actively interfere in anything I'm trying to do. No dinner party stabbings and such.
Mm, I'd understand it if it was just a one off, but the fact that little fucker did it twice is… Is there a word that means "infuriating" but in the sense that you wanna stuff someone in a garbage bag and drop them attached to an anchor to the bottom of the ocean?
Oh no. I mean, good on you. I could never. It'll make Mizuki happy, I'm sure.
I do not believe so, no, but perhaps the Captain would be willing to loan you an anchor?
That said — making Mizuki happy and keeping him happy is really all I want.
[For gay reasons and also ruling the world and/or nuking it reasons (inconclusive) and also because he's seen Mizuki tear people in half and it's like, hot and stuff, but Ebalon doesn't want to be on the murderous end of it either.]
I won't sow strife where strife is unnecessary, although I don't know what will happen if we're put into another killing game, either. Maybe I'll just sit in my shields and let people wail on them until they die of exhaustion.
And, hey, I need to get this out of the way, too. I'm glad to hear you want to keep him happy, but if you do end up together, and you *hurt* him ever I won't pull my punches just because we're friends.
[ Because Pluma's decided that's what they are now. You don't go to not friends for love advice. Unless they're a professional. Which Pluma is not. ]
Hm. I don't know. I feel like putting people into a second killing game... That will just demoralize people instead of getting the reactions out of them. I don't think that's the goal. Though, I could be wrong? 🤷♀️ Hard agree on the strife thing, though. Very few people seem to understand that. Especially for you and I.
Well, I wouldn't expect you to let me get away with such an act anyhow. I'm glad to have confirmation, however.
[They're friends. This is Ebalon's second friend ever. Anyway join his cult]
You have a point, however. I'm not sure what to make of the situation. Actually, Lady Friday told me something interesting when I made some inquiries to her. I asked her why people who die here come back, as unless I severely misunderstand the concept of mortality, people normally do not do this. She informed me that the answer was "to keep playing", which makes me rather suspicious of both a) how we all came to be here and b) what the Captain's intentions are.
Surely nothing savoury, of course, but we knew that.
Lady Friday expressed to me that we are all supposed to show "teamwork". I couldn't help but criticize that, given what we all just went through. I would therefore imagine that infighting is not allowed in the... hm. "Rules".
[ Now just get Gummy as your third friend and realize all the Arknights are insane. No. ]
Dr. Watson had mentioned that he’d been told by Jenny that we were “fuel” of sorts for the ship. I’m not entirely sure what that means. My theories are either that it’s an emotional turmoil thing and it makes for better “fuel” if we’re miserable, *or* we are fuel regardless of how we feel and the Captain is just fucking with us.
It’s likely Friday and the Captain have different agendas, so to speak. Judging by how excited he was when you got stabbed, I’m sure he doesn’t want us working together. Friday might, though. Maybe there’s some merit to her advice. She knows the Captain better than we do.
[Ebalon whips out his notebook and writes that down so fast, if they're all fuel for the ship, knowledge of that is fuel for Ebalon's "get me the fuck off of this cruise" agenda. And also for stabbing the Captain. And making it count.]
Fuel... hm. Thank you for that. I do recall speaking to Lady Jenny myself and being told that the souls of her brothers were trapped somewhere on the ship. She mentioned losing a bet and therefore, losing them.
I do like the working theory that Lady Friday and the Captain have different agendas. That would explain why he kills her so often — to sow strife.
I'll have to think about this more.
["Forlorn about love" Ebalon is gone now, meet "Science-Mode" Ebalon. He's equally as insufferable.]
Weird. I do remember Mizuki mentioning that Jenny asked for memories with strong emotions attached to them. Maybe those are “souls”…? And if I’ve ever heard one of his psychology rambles, it’d make sense if strong emotions encourages the Captain to just inject Instant Trauma into us like he did.
[ And also makes Mizuki’s goal of finding out a way to make happy memories the strongest an even more admirable goal. Mizuki’s so cute?? ]
[Mizuki is so cute! Ebalon is so fucking angry at the bard.]
Writing that down as well.
The Captain seems unkillable by normal means, unlike the rest of us. Considering he did not immediately try to take me out after I attacked him, I imagine he does not particularly care to engage in petty squabbles himself... I could be wrong.
Excuse me. I came to you for advice, and now I'm on a war path about something entirely different, it would seem.
Hm. You know there should be a "Notepad" app on your phone. You wouldn't have to carry around a notebook + pen if you want to keep quick notes there. If writing is easier, that's also fine, but might be handy to know for when you're out and about and don't have your writing stuff on hand.
Nah, he seems like a cuck. Why would he want to participate? ... I'm not explaining what a cuck is, btw. You're on your own there.
I don't mind. Sometimes distractions are also good.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
text; uhh... 5/23
Apologies, formality is as automatic for me as breathing. La Pluma, I mean.
Do you have a moment? I require assistance with something... personal.
no subject
It's a code name.
And feel free to call me Rafaela.
Yeah, shoot.
no subject
[Okay he sees now why this is weird.]
That aside, this may sound odd, but... well, I trust you enough. [Something something he broke, holy shit.] I'll get straight to the point: What does being "in love" feel like? Is this not when you wish to aggressively keep someone at your side forever?
Just theoretically.
[pls help :(]
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So when I said "I don't want to become some sort of love guru" at the party, you took that personally, I see.
Just kidding.
I'm not about to make fun of you for a question like that, but I totally am, you're a dork.
I would say wanting to "aggressively" keep someone at your side forever is more akin to the relationship of a commander and their soldier. Still a sort of love, really.
Love is... fickle. Varies from person to person, there's no good way of describing it. Plus there's all sorts. Romantic love, familial love, platonic love. It's kind of all over the place.
If I had to describe it succinctly, though, I'd say it's a feeling that encourages you to act on behalf of a person.
Like: Doing things that might be time consuming or out of the way just because you want them to be happy. It's hopeful and perseveres through tough times because you care about someone. It's protective in the literal sense, and disarming in the sense of wanting to always be honest and just let someone in.
That's what it means to me, anyway.
no subject
Hm. This is all very helpful. Probably.]
Well, I couldn't ask Mizuki, so, as one of the only people on the ship who I can trust and who won't immediately shout at me for talking to you... you can see where you were my top pick.
That is rather helpful. I know very few actual examples of love.
[He thought the aggression was common because that's how Rosso is? Maybe that's... just Rosso. (Maybe that's also just him. He's leaving out all the fucked-up twisted thoughts. Also he's leaving out the part that was "I wanted to manipulate and experiment on him but now I don't want to do that". For reasons.)]
I've been perusing some books in the library for research, you could say. That's all.
...
I might be dying, actually. [psychopath's first love interest lol]
no subject
Yeah, honestly, that's probably love then. Love and death are pretty similar tbh.
Again, kidding. But it does make your insides all fucking wonky and your brain no longer brain, so it's basically death.
Uh.
Anyway. My condolences. Also congratulations. Simultaneously.
I diagnose you with "fucked".
no subject
[Hm.]
Thank you for your apt diagnosis, I appreciate it.
We... spoke, a bit, on the topic, several days ago now. It... did not go well. I've been marinating on it for some time.
[Emotions are new and he does not like them.]
no subject
I can't guarantee I can give you good advice, but sometimes using someone as a verbal springboard helps.
I can send the occasional emoji.
✌️
no subject
[Like 5 minutes later:]
Essentially, he asked me if I was teasing him with my affections, and I said I was not. We spoke at-length on the topic. He told me he loved me, and I returned the sentiment, though at the time I did not know if it was heat of the moment that made me speak or not. I had to think about it after the fact, knowing that some sort of emotion was there, but not being able to pin it properly due to the fact I have... well, no experience at all with anything of this nature. Thus did I come to you to for verification, I suppose.
It seems I was right to say what I did, but even so, being new to the feeling made me wonder if that was what it was.
[Well, the reality of it is that until this moment he was pretty sure that love was when you wanted to aggressively keep someone at your side and be possessive over them and let them bite your jugular until you bleed and rule the world together. All normal things. He didn't realise it was this... fluttery. And gross. And sticky. Which is more of the answer for "why he's asking La Pluma this" than "needed a second opinion". It's kind of a second opinion? Whatever.]
The conversation then boiled down to how we "could not" be together quite yet, and then he asked if we might still be physically intimate [why do you word things like this] with each other despite this.
I suppose the question offended me, so I politely said no and left. And here we are, three days later. I haven't spoken to him since.
[Everything was so much easier when he felt nothing for people other than "oh hey, you're useful". Fuck this.]
no subject
Hold on I said I'd send emojis so let me get those out of the way.
👏👏👏🤷♀️🤦♀️🥲🥲🥲
Okay.
Anyway.
First, to get this out of the way, that's adorable. I'm sorry that happened, but that's also adorable.
Second, have you truly never been in love before? I know you're young, but surely there's been someone in your life you felt such a connection to, right? Parents? Siblings? Other familial kinds of people?
[ Admittedly, La Pluma is partially biased here, just because family means so much to her. Even more than romantic love, really. ]
Third, physically intimiate? Please don't say things like that. Knowing Mizuki, I know you probably mean cuddles, but everyone is going to assume you two banged if you go around using terminology like that.
Aaaaand last, are you sure it offended you, or did the thought of knowing full well the both of you had feelings for each other and yet still being gated just...
Hurt?
no subject
[EBALON NO—]
I do have a little brother at home, but familial caring feels different. I could not possibly explain it accurately, I think. I was always rather protective of Noah because our parents were... at best, neglectful. More to him than me.
[Unfortunately the only lie in there is that Noah is "his" brother. And also that he has a home. He does not have a home, and Noah wants to kill him. The "fondness" is more like "I look forward to us fighting about this when you grow up" which is definitely... not familial love. But, while he lived within the Ebalon household, he did his part as "Harque" to guard over Noah since his parents were That Way, and obviously he got touchy whenever someone tried to fuck with the kid since that was his little science experiment too.]
I suppose I had a somewhat-familial relationship with the Water Master, as the other Masters did, but that is more because Denif was an excellent caretaker and probably at least a thousand or so years older than me, being a dragon. It was nothing akin to a true feeling of family to be certain.
[Especially because he betrayed them.]
As for your last point, that... would be a more accurate term, I suppose, yes. I did not take it well and I recall walking out of the room feeling rather numb, as it were.
no subject
[ La Pluma refuses to be not crass about this, bye. ]
Woof. Sorry to hear about that. I hope your brother's okay. I'd raise hell if I learned anything happened to mine.
[ ... She misses her brother, dearly. ]
Yeah, love'll do that sometimes. Unfortunately, Mizuki is also very new to love, so I imagine he might be floundering a little himself. Poor thing is gonna implode on himself someday because he cares too much about people. But... it sounds like he's trying to get something worked out? That's good.
I mean, the "worked out" is probably that he's going to stay with Venti, and I hate that. A lot. But it's not like we can lock him in a box somewhere and leave him.
no subject
[An entire squad of people who want to beat the shit out of him! Truly exemplary.]
I imagine in due time that we'll speak again as friends. It's just... difficult, if that makes sense.
[Look at him, over a thousand years old and seeking comfort from a bird girl. He's lost it. Officially!]
I think this is jealousy?
[He solved two (2) emotions today so no one should expect anything else of him.]
no subject
Oh, I'm sure you will. Giving yourself some space is a good idea, anyway. It lets you sort things out. Mizuki will understand. I'm sure he doesn't want to leave you alone or anything himself, either.
...Probably.
I'm just pissed, personally.
Sucks to be jealous of that little shit, but he's also getting something he really doesn't deserve. I'm frustrated that Mizuki is giving him so many chances.
no subject
:)
I told Mizuki I would make an active attempt to be nice. I intend on following through, but only for Mizuki's sake. I do not care one whit what Venti thinks of me, so long as he doesn't actively interfere in anything I'm trying to do. No dinner party stabbings and such.
no subject
Is there a word that means "infuriating" but in the sense that you wanna stuff someone in a garbage bag and drop them attached to an anchor to the bottom of the ocean?
Oh no. I mean, good on you. I could never.
It'll make Mizuki happy, I'm sure.
no subject
That said — making Mizuki happy and keeping him happy is really all I want.
[For gay reasons and also ruling the world and/or nuking it reasons (inconclusive) and also because he's seen Mizuki tear people in half and it's like, hot and stuff, but Ebalon doesn't want to be on the murderous end of it either.]
I won't sow strife where strife is unnecessary, although I don't know what will happen if we're put into another killing game, either. Maybe I'll just sit in my shields and let people wail on them until they die of exhaustion.
no subject
And, hey, I need to get this out of the way, too.
I'm glad to hear you want to keep him happy, but if you do end up together, and you *hurt* him ever
I won't pull my punches just because we're friends.
[ Because Pluma's decided that's what they are now. You don't go to not friends for love advice. Unless they're a professional. Which Pluma is not. ]
Hm. I don't know. I feel like putting people into a second killing game...
That will just demoralize people instead of getting the reactions out of them.
I don't think that's the goal. Though, I could be wrong?
🤷♀️
Hard agree on the strife thing, though. Very few people seem to understand that.
Especially for you and I.
no subject
[They're friends. This is Ebalon's second friend ever.
Anyway join his cult]You have a point, however. I'm not sure what to make of the situation. Actually, Lady Friday told me something interesting when I made some inquiries to her. I asked her why people who die here come back, as unless I severely misunderstand the concept of mortality, people normally do not do this. She informed me that the answer was "to keep playing", which makes me rather suspicious of both a) how we all came to be here and b) what the Captain's intentions are.
Surely nothing savoury, of course, but we knew that.
Lady Friday expressed to me that we are all supposed to show "teamwork". I couldn't help but criticize that, given what we all just went through. I would therefore imagine that infighting is not allowed in the... hm. "Rules".
no subject
No.]Dr. Watson had mentioned that he’d been told by Jenny that we were “fuel” of sorts for the ship. I’m not entirely sure what that means.
My theories are either that it’s an emotional turmoil thing and it makes for better “fuel” if we’re miserable, *or* we are fuel regardless of how we feel and the Captain is just fucking with us.
It’s likely Friday and the Captain have different agendas, so to speak.
Judging by how excited he was when you got stabbed, I’m sure he doesn’t want us working together.
Friday might, though.
Maybe there’s some merit to her advice. She knows the Captain better than we do.
no subject
Fuel... hm. Thank you for that. I do recall speaking to Lady Jenny myself and being told that the souls of her brothers were trapped somewhere on the ship. She mentioned losing a bet and therefore, losing them.
I do like the working theory that Lady Friday and the Captain have different agendas. That would explain why he kills her so often — to sow strife.
I'll have to think about this more.
["Forlorn about love" Ebalon is gone now, meet "Science-Mode" Ebalon. He's equally as insufferable.]
no subject
I do remember Mizuki mentioning that Jenny asked for memories with strong emotions attached to them.
Maybe those are “souls”…?
And if I’ve ever heard one of his psychology rambles, it’d make sense if strong emotions encourages the Captain to just inject Instant Trauma into us like he did.
[ And also makes Mizuki’s goal of finding out a way to make happy memories the strongest an even more admirable goal. Mizuki’s so cute?? ]
Glad I could help.
✌️
no subject
Writing that down as well.
The Captain seems unkillable by normal means, unlike the rest of us. Considering he did not immediately try to take me out after I attacked him, I imagine he does not particularly care to engage in petty squabbles himself... I could be wrong.
Excuse me. I came to you for advice, and now I'm on a war path about something entirely different, it would seem.
no subject
You wouldn't have to carry around a notebook + pen if you want to keep quick notes there.
If writing is easier, that's also fine, but might be handy to know for when you're out and about and don't have your writing stuff on hand.
Nah, he seems like a cuck. Why would he want to participate?
...
I'm not explaining what a cuck is, btw. You're on your own there.
I don't mind.
Sometimes distractions are also good.